Hilariously bad music

In theory I’m an aesthetic relativist and I don’t particularly believe in the idea of absolute standards for judging art. However, I occasionally encounter something that makes me think, “this is complete and utter shit and anyone who likes it is brainwashed, an idiot, or both.”

Case in point: Brokencyde, whose “screamo/crunk” garbage should really just be called “date-rape-core.” Their crap has been all over the internet lately, but if you’ve been fortunate enough to avoid it thus far, here I am to burst your bubble.

Other awesomely terrible songs by this band: “Get Crunk,” “Bree Bree” (my favorite, and it’s even worse live if that’s possible). “Bree bree,” of course, is how folks refer derogatively to the metalcore vocal styling known as “pig squealing.” The hilarious thing is that the Brokencyde dudes can’t even do a proper pig squeal. They’re appropriating a derogatory term and then bungling the execution. Comedy gold! (Also, best Youtube comment ever: “ha, the world is a strange place & white people are funny.”)

Another case in point, pretty much anything on Rise Records, like this utterly hilarious Autotuned crap from Attack Attack! (be sure to make it to the 2:46 mark for maximum amusement). Worth noting that these guys are ridiculously, shamelessly awful even in their name, as they were founded a year after Welsh band Attack! Attack!

If I were the type to declare things as harbingers of the decline of Western civilization, the popularity of this kind of stuff would probably make the list.

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5 Responses to “Hilariously bad music”

  1. Paul Ferguson Says:

    Yeah, I listen to Dragonforce and go “I don’t understand how people can listen to this without laughing and/or cringing in horror,” but my word, those two bands really take the biscuit. I think there can be objective standards in music, and my rule is that a piece of music that is self-evidently not doing what’s trying to do is bad, or bands that are based on a paper-thin novelty without which they would be utterly generic (I am specifically talking about local “Pirate-Metal” band Alestorm).

    The horror of Autotune effects continue to plague my every accidental brush with mainstream music. I never thought I’d long for the day when everyone was using vocoders again, but at this point even hearing an Autotune effect makes me want to kick something really hard - especially because the listening public still seems to be falling for it. Hopefully it’ll be old news by the turn of the decade.

  2. Brandon Wu Says:

    I’d imagine Autotune will sound dated within a year or two, yeah. At least I hope.

    Also: pirate metal. Haha. I can’t tell you how many generic Viking metal and “pirate metal” bands I’ve seen in the past year. Zzzzz.

  3. RobDP Says:

    Paul, thankfully you’re not the only one/

  4. Chris Says:

    You have just introduced me to a whole new world of crap music - and yes, 2:46 of the Attack Attack! was a real WTF moment.

  5. Paul Schumacher Says:

    Actually, these things aren’t half as bad as Aqua’s “Barbie Girl.”

    I’m glad you’re posting crap, however.

    I will consult the high school girls I teach for suggestions.

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